Dear one,
The last day of the year would always bring with it mixed feelings for me - nostalgia, pride, regret and hope, among others.
There's always that bit of nostalgia for something that wasn't perfect but was a good ride anyway - and it's ending soon. In fact, it is ending today. 2013 was an up-and-down kind of year. Then again, what's new? Life will always be like that - one great rollercoaster ride.
The year started good; I was slowly adjusting into the new job that I got during the last month of 2012.
Then, in March and in April, I had to say goodbye to two members of my household in Singles for Christ (SFC). Liz and Gelai chose to go back to the Philippines for good. But everything did turn out well for both of them; Liz is now busy managing her own business while Gelai is back to the profession she loves best: teaching.
In May, my mother got bedridden again due to her bone fracture. She did manage to regain her physical capabilities. Apart from the back brace she now has to wear and that she has to be assisted when she walks, she looks pretty back to normal. She does complain of being easily tired these days. On the other hand, my father got diagnosed with kidney stones and so was my brother. All of these were on top of the hypertension that all three of them have had for as long as I can remember. 2013 left my family with one sole healthy adult: me. Tough luck. The thought of the responsibility jolted me to mature by at least five more years.
I turned 30 in August (and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Hahaha.) sans the bells and whistles which I would have to admit was a bit of a disappointment for me. Have I told you before that I didn't have a grandiose debut party when I turned 18? I guess I was expecting this birthday would have been my second chance. But I suppose some girls are just never meant for such things. Nevertheless, I am thankful to the family and friends who had remembered me and had celebrated with me, especially Circe and Marco who had indulged all my midlife crisis drama in Taipei on the eve of my birthday.
The year 2013 also leaves behind a sense of pride and accomplishment for me. I went on my first solo trip to four cities in Europe: Barcelona, Madrid, Frankfurt and Heidelberg (technically, five cities, if I count Kassel-Wilhemshöhe where I got lost in the middle of the night.). In retrospect, I'd say going solo wasn't as difficult or as lonesome as I had imagined it to be. You know what the most difficult thing about it is? Taking photos of my self. But that's what the reverse camera function of the iPhone is for, anyway. And every now and then, I would request fellow tourists to take my photo.
In all honesty, I could say I had enjoyed the solo trip experience - except perhaps that night that I got lost. Then again, I don't think I want to do it again anytime soon. For now, it's enough that I know it wasn't impossible. I can make it alone - on my own.
2013 was also a year of fab and glam as I discovered (finally) the wonders of make-up. Sorry, let me rephrase that. What I did discover was that make-up did wonders for me. See? ^_^
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| All thanks to my favorite make-up artists, Liz and En |
Good old Frankie said, "Regrets, I've had a few but then again..." I don't know. I guess my only regret this year was accommodating the wrong sort of people. Just over the last six months, I've met quite a number of undesirable characters. And no, most of them were not undesirable because they were ugly. Some of those I've met have unfairly misjudged me. In most other cases, they were only after one thing from me, if you get what I mean.
You do know how I much I hate wasting my time. Sometimes, I wonder why then am I still wasting my time looking for you. Just so you know, this search is not easy. It has, oftentimes, almost drained me of all my self-esteem in 2013. Even then, I simply couldn't banish that last flicker of hope that somewhere in this planet called Earth, you do exist.
For 2014, I prayed for only two things: first, faith in God that the best of things will happen at the best time; and, second, love - love, in whatever form, that I can feel and appreciate. Because if there's one thing I've realized in 2013, it's that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't exactly looking for you. I was - I still am - looking for love.
Cheers to the year ahead of us. Happy New Year, dear one.
