Beautiful homes

28 Jan 2012


Dear one,


I went to my cousin's house near the Pennant Hills area. She, her husband and her mother had migrated to Australia 12 years ago and this was the first time I'm meeting them.


My, oh my, what a lovely house they have! It looks like something taken out of an interior design magazine.


Sigh. Beautiful houses make me envious. It's one of my biggest dreams to own one.


Do you know what I would want our dream house to look like? The house doesn't have to be big but it should have a patch of land that we could have a flower garden on. (I don't know how to grow plants, by the way. But we could try it out together, right?)


In our garden, we'll have a grotto for Our Lady of Lourdes. Yeah, it's a must because I grew up in a house with one. It would be a blessing if Natalie and Nathan would grow up knowing Mama Mary, too.


We'd have two or three bedrooms and an attic. Haha. My mother says I just wanted to have an attic because Sarah of the novel, "A Little Princess" had lived in one. Well, yeah, she's right; I'm romantic that way. Hahaha. May I have my attic, dear one? =)


Then, we'll have a nice kitchen. I hope we can save up for all the kitchen appliances and utensils. You know I really want to try out the recipes I pick everywhere so we must have at least a little oven. Hehe. Promise, I already know how to cook non-fried dishes! You won't have to survive on egg dishes, hotdogs, canned goods and instant noodles. I just can't wait to cook for you! (I wonder what your favorite food would be. I hope it won't be too complicated to learn.)


We'll also have a terrace, a balcony or a veranda - you choose. I just thought it would be nice to have a place where we can sit quietly, share coffee/tea and talk while we watch over the kids playing.

Yeah, yeah. I know it's passé yet again. But that's me - I'm all for the sentimental, the romantic, the passé. I'm sure God would have prepared you to handle all that about me, in much the same way that He is preparing me for you. This long wait is, I think, supposed to teach me patience. Haha. If I'm going to be a good wife to any man, patience should become one of my virtues. I'll learn that soon enough.


Dear, I do realize that it's not the beautiful house that makes a beautiful home. It's you, me and our children together as one family - that's the most beautiful home we could ever have.


I'm really missing you in my life now.

Little kids and big dreams

26 Jan 2012

Dear one,

Happy Australia Day!

We're flying to Sydney today!

As I was waiting to board the plane, I overheard this boy telling his dad, "That's the truck that boards the plane." The boy was pointing to the outside of the walkway that connects the boarding gate and the door of the plane. It does look a lot like a container truck. Then the boy went on to say: "I wish I could fly a plane."

Awww... Little kids and their big dreams.

Did you know I had wanted to become a nun when I was young? I know, I know. You're rolling on the floor, laughing now, because you think no religious order would take me in. Haha. I haven't tried getting into any, though.

I wonder how many kids we'll have. I'm ok with having two - one boy and one girl. Sorry, I already took the liberty of naming them: Nathan and Natalie Marie. Of course, Nathan's full name would include your name in it.

While at Hong Kong Disneyland early last year, I had told my mother that I was going to take my future kids to Disneyland too.

Going to Disneyland was my childhood dream. For that matter, travelling the world was my childhood dream.

As you would already have known, although we weren't poor, my parents did not have the money to spend on luxury, so trips and expensive toys had to take the backseat for the necessities and school tuition fees.

Looking back, I think my parents had invested well. The good schools they had spent hard-earned money on eventually paved the way for a good job for me. And the good job pays well enough for me to go on trips and occasional shopping sprees.

Dear, let's be sure to save enough to send our kids to good schools and universities too, okay? I want them to be able to choose whatever course they'd want to take in college without having to worry about how much the tuition fee would cost and whether the job they'd get after graduation would pay high salaries. Why, if they want to be a photographer or musician, then so be it! I would have wanted to become a stage actress if I didn't feel compelled to become financially independent straight out of college as soon as possible.

Also, let's work hard together so that we can also take our Natalie and Nathan to theme park excursions, beach outings and zoo adventures all around the globe as soon as they are old enough to appreciate these things.

Big dreams, eh? When I talk about my kids, I've always remained like a little kid myself - a little kid with big dreams.

But I'm not working solo on these big dreams; we're together in it now.

Moments that cameras cannot capture

24 Jan 2012

Dear one,

I went to Philip Island to watch the Penguin Parade tonight. Unfortunately, the park management doesn't allow camera use at all. I suppose it's because they couldn't control the tourists from using the flash so they've completely prohibited photography and videography.

This is one of those times when I wish I could have taken a video of the moment - every second of it - so that I could have shared it with you. I know you would have been as delighted of those little penguins as I had been. These are the world's smallest penguins. At sunset, they emerge from the sea and make their way across the beach to their sand dune burrows. As these are untrained animals, it's the visitors who have to adjust to their timings. So we had to wait awhile in the cold while the penguins gather up in their small groups. Oh, you have to see them lining up and walking with their heads first, their little round butts swaying fast - just cute!

And then we treaded through the boardwalk (Ohhh... The wind was blowing real cold!) to view the penguins finding their own burrows. A lot of my friends know I'm not a fan of birds but oh my, I could hold and cuddle these cuties anytime!

Sigh... This whole trip - every beautiful thing I've seen - I wish I could have captured everything on video to share with you and with everyone important to me. Well, I wish I could have been seeing these with you but we haven't met yet. There's always that part of me that knows (and hopes) when we're finally together, we'll be visiting new places and re-visiting others and making our own memories, sharing moments that are always more precious than anything a camera can capture.

You married a diva

23 Jan 2012

Dear one,

I realized yet once again that I'm not cut out for backpacking trips.

I am sorely disappointed with the accommodation we got here in Melbourne. Exford Hotel doesn't fit into my definition of a hotel at all! That it is a backpackers' hotel, they should have had the integrity of putting that in their hotel's branding.

I just realized I'm ranting. I'm sorry, dear, you had married a diva. Or at least, Ben thinks I am one.

I'm not, really.

As you know, I'm no rich man's daughter. I was raised in a household with neither nanny nor maid and I was expected by my mother to help clean the house, wash dishes and wash clothes by hand. With that upbringing, how would one become a diva?!?

Well, "diva" wasn't the worst of it. I've been labelled "high maintenance" too. WTH. That label ticks me off, bigtime, most especially if the remark came from a guy who just met me and virtually knows nothing about me.

And there I go again, ranting. Sorry! I just hate it when people think it's difficult to be with me. Is it that difficult, dear?

Sometimes, I think I've been loved too much by my parents and that's what makes it difficult for other people to love me - because they think they need to compete with that love or maybe it's me expecting the same love from other people.

It's just sad that, as I write this now, no one else thinks I deserved that much.

You, dear one, will be the only, if not the first, who will have thought I deserved to be loved that much and more. That's how significant you will play a role in my life - the man who loved a so-called unlovable diva.

Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying

21 Jan 2012

Dear one,

It's 3:15AM. Make a guess where I am!

I'm at the Perth International Airport, waiting for the first shuttle bus to the city and the bus doesn't leave until 6AM so here I am trying to kill time while Ish is taking a nap.

When I travel to different places, I think about you. I think about how I would have loved travelling the world with you. That sounds passé. But really, nothing beats seeing beautiful and favorite destinations with the most special man in one's life.

Travelling is one of my favorite pasttimes - next only to, if not of the same level as, singing and cooking. And I wish I could share that passion for travelling with you. In the same way that I'd like to be able to share a lot of the things I love with you.

Did you know I feel like I've been waiting for you for a long time already? At the time I'm writing this, it feels like I've been waiting for you for more than a decade. When one's 18 and in college, that's when one dreams of what lies ahead of her. I have never fallen in love then. I was just wishing and hoping to fall in love with someone that fits the 26 items in my checklist.

When I reached my mid-20s, that's when I realized I was only looking for a few things - good conversation, responsibility and family-orientedness. I realized I was looking for you.

I fell in love at 27, though. With the wrong person.

Moving on was difficult - I just didn't want to go through anything like that anymore. Still, I remained wishing and hoping for a love.

And then I started praying for you - a man after God's own heart.

Clean slate

16 Jan 2012

Dear one,

It came from Cha's best friend.

The idea was to write a journal for you - a journal that would chronicle my life before I married you.

At first, I was hesitant to start such a journal because I thought I needed a clean slate before I can start. I thought that when I write for you it should be just about you and not about some image of a guy who happens to be interesting at the moment.

But I realized I just might never find myself with a clean slate.

By the time, you, as my husband, get to read this, I would have fallen in and out of love at least once and would have broken my heart many times. If I had already fallen in love in the past, what made you more special than the one before, you may ask. Well, you're the first one who loved me enough. In fact, you're the only one who loved me enough. And you'll understand more just how important that is to me.