On meeting you

Dear one,

At this time in my life, I guess I'm at that point where I'm as scared of meeting you as I'm scared of not meeting you.

Of course, I'm scared of not meeting you before all the time of the proverbial biological clock run out. Since I would want for us to have kids of our own (I want it so much that I have even prepared names for our kids already.), it scares me if I should not be able to meet the deadline.

On the other hand, I realized that I'm also scared of actually meeting you. I know I've said before that anytime I meet you, the right one, I'm willing to stop everything that I'm busy with these days and start building the family we want to have. No, I haven't changed my mind about that. I will still do that. It's just that... It is scary.

The prospect of so many changes happening all at once in my life scares the hell out of me. I'm so used to working things out solo - solving my problems on my own, and sometimes, even singlehandedly solving other people's problems for them. I get things done.Why, I even take care of my self when I'm sick. I like being with and around friends but I'm just as comfortable being by myself. In fact, I value my me-time so much so that I can't do without it.

When you come into my life, please don't ask me to give up my me-time. I would still want to be able to sit at Starbucks engrossed on a good book or stay up late at night, writing in my blog. I'm not asking for much - just a few hours on a Saturday or Sunday every now and then. While we still haven't got kids, I hope we can take gym classes together or jog around the neighborhood. Then when the kids are old enough, I hope we would be earning enough to take them with us on out-of-town or out-of-the-country trips.

Above and beyond these trivial things, I hope you'll continue to value what I have to say on all matters, most especially on matters that concern our family. If you are the one, dear one, I'd like to believe that between the two of us, you'll be the one with the better judgment. But while I would like to submit to your better judgment, I wouldn't want to lose my voice and will to decide on the important matters and everything related to us and the kids will always be important.