16 August 2013
Dear Geebee,
Congratulations on your first international flight!
I know you can't believe this day would ever come - this day when you could travel outside the Philippines. While some of your classmates in grade school have gone to Disneyland USA before they even turned 12, here you are on your first out of the country trip at 25 years old. See? You didn't have to feel so sad about that business trip to Warsaw that didn't push through the year before. Now, you've taken your self to Singapore on a birthday vacation trip with your own hard-earned money. Give yourself a pat on the back, girl!
So, how did you find Singapore? I know that the minute you stepped out of bus 27 in Sengkang you had said, "I don't want to move here." Oh, but you would.
The year after, you did accept a job offer in Singapore and moved to lah-lah land - big, red maleta and all. You would consider that job one of the grandest financial blessings that God gave you, next only to the scholarship you got from the Ateneo. Thanks to that first job in Singapore you didn't have to continue scrimping and saving every penny of your salary until you're 30 to pay for monthly amortization just so you can finally call as your very own that little (literally little!) condo unit you got three years ago.
It was also thanks to that first job, Singapore will not be the last place in Asia that you will be able to travel to. Within the next two years, you will have seen Johor Bahru, Kuala Lumpur, Bali, Phuket and Macau. And your childhood dream of Disneyland? It might be 20 years too late but yes, you will make that trip to Hong Kong with Inay.
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| Disneyland is a place for kids from 1 to 92. |
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| My next adventure. I hope. |
And then you'll be friends with a spirited woman named Circe who turns out to be as fond of travelling as you are. Together, you will explore Melbourne and Perth in the Land Down Under.
You will fall in love with that country so much that the following year, 2012, you will go back to Melbourne and Perth and also to Sydney. After that second trip, you would dream of migrating to Australia. Believe me, you would. I still dream of it until now. Unfortunately, however, there is no opportunity for me to migrate there yet.
You will fall in love with that country so much that the following year, 2012, you will go back to Melbourne and Perth and also to Sydney. After that second trip, you would dream of migrating to Australia. Believe me, you would. I still dream of it until now. Unfortunately, however, there is no opportunity for me to migrate there yet.
Australia wouldn't be the last of your adventures with Circe. Again, thanks to that first job, you, Circe and your new friend Amor will see the iconic Eiffel Tower with your own eyes.
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| Setting eyes on an architectural icon - Eiffel Tower |
You will also be able to appreciate the same view of the City of Light as Victor Hugo's Quasimodo saw atop the Cathedrale Notre Dame de Paris.
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| Quasimodo's view of Paris |
That all-time favorite movie of yours, "The Sound of Music" - you will set foot on the place where it was shot: picturesque Salzburg, Austria.
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| No wonder Maria couldn't help singing |
Wasn't having an audience with the Pope in your bucket list for the longest time? Barely a week after your 29th birthday, you would be right below the balcony of His Holiness' summer residence in Castel Gandolfo, standing teary-eyed and overwhelmed, just a few feet from Pope Benedict VI himself.
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| This close to holiness personified |
Come on. Walk over to the mirror. What do you see? A girl in jeans and a shirt. That's all you've ever worn since high school. Back in grade school, didn't you use to wear hand-me-downs?
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| From garb to glam |
Don't fret. Miss Average-Plain-Jane-You will soon learn to dress up in skirts and blouses and dresses, too.
Then you will meet Liz, that petite girl who, through the magic of make-up, would be able to transform you into... Voila! A model. Well, not really a model. But you will be pretty and have a few photoshoots. Can you believe it?!?
You have to believe it.
Contrary to what the mirror says now and what some unkind people have said to you, you can be pretty too!
That singing talent you've kept within the confines of videoke rooms, only disclosed to close friends after you've lost in the solo voice contest when you were six - you will finally show it to the public once again. In the Search for Pinoy Idol in Singapore Grand Finals 2011, you will sing your dream piece "On My Own" from the musical "Les Miserables".
You wouldn't make it to the final six but what the heck! You will have had your three minutes of fame. Beaming with joy now? Haha. I know you are. You have the worst case of stage fright but you've always secretly dreamed of being on stage ever since the heyday of Little Miss Philippines.
And then just when you will think that everything's all rosy, you will lose your job in 2012 - not by choice nor by neglect. The good news, though, is that you will find another job after three months. Life will not be that bad for you but those three months will be trying ones; you will lose your self-esteem a lot of times.
Quarterlife crisis. At 25, I don't think you know that phrase encompassed that mixture of nostalgia and apprehension you're feeling now. I wish I could have told you not to focus so much on the quarterlife crisis, because, you see, I know now it will only grow worse for you in the next five years.
You know what else I know? I know that a few days before you turned 25, you prayed to God for a sign. You told Him that if you didn't meet anyone on your 25th year, you would take that as a sign that you were not meant to get married.
I hate to break it to you but you didn't meet anyone that year. And though you will, time and again, try to negotiate that sign with God in the next few years that followed, you will still not have met the one. You would fall in love twice and break your heart both times. You will attend about a dozen weddings of friends and you will witness these friends give birth and celebrate the birthdays of their firstborns.
It will be like you're a mere spectator to a movie entitled "Life". And you're not part of it at all.
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| Brick by brick |
So you try to make a life of your own - tick some items off your never-ending travel bucket list: Barcelona, Madrid, Frankfurt, Heidelberg, Taipei; and fulfill some other dream that you can, at least, do something about: your dream house, brick by brick. Rather, hollow block by hollow block.
I wish I could tell you that you've finally met the one now that you are (well, now that I am) already 30. But no, you still haven't met him. I still haven't met him. There is still no ending to this love story. Actually, a lot of times, I wonder if there is even a love story.
I'm sorry, dear 25-year-old Geebee, your 30-year-old self sucks big time. She has failed to fulfill that one big dream you have dreamed of for her for the last 10 years. A sad, old maid at 30.
But, hey, don't despair! She'll snap out of this phase. Soon, I hope. There's really no other choice but to move on. Anyway, as one of our favorite authors, C.S. Lewis once said, "You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."
I guess it's just about time. For me to make new dreams. For me to choose happiness.
XOXO,
30-year-old You
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| Choose happiness. (Image source: http://favim.com/image/43861/) |
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