On kids and family

14 Apr 2012

Dear one,

My niece turned one today. To celebrate her birthday, my mother prepared this grand kiddie party for her.

I'm kidding, of course. The party was simple but it was grand by our standards because we rarely hold parties in the house. As much as it is a hassle, having a party is also expensive. Yes, we're stingy that way. But you know, my family's always just had enough for the necessities so parties were not our kind of thing.

At Memai's party, I was delegated the role of emcee. In short, I had to entertain the kids. (The adults - they can be left alone to eat and chat and that's that.)

I had only prepared two parlor games. Lesson learned: Two games are not enough to keep a handful of energetic school-age kids, especially if you have eight-year-old Robbie among them. Why, he's as animated as Tazmanian Devil himself! I must say I was exhausted by the effort.

Our little boy, Nathan, would probably be as active as Robbie so the party thing is apt practice for dealing with our own precocious son, don't you think?

On the other hand, I'm just as excited for our little daughter Natalie. We'll have lots of mother-daughter bonding time. I'll make every effort to be her closest girl friend such that we can talk about just anything under the sun.

One of the parenting advice I picked up from Bo Sanchez' book was that each parent should have regular one-on-one dates with each child - dates that will be spent on hobbies or activities that interest the child. Let's do that with Nathan and Natalie so they'll know it is perfectly fine to explore and discover things together with their mom and/or dad.

You know how I always have a tendency to think way ahead. As I write this now, I am neither engaged nor in a relationship, but I talk about our future kids as if that future is happening next week.

Circe's difficult question over lunch a few weeks ago brought down to earth my sandcastles in the air. She had asked: "Bakit gusto mong magkapamilya?"

That question got me thinking really hard. Until now, I haven't found a satisfactory answer for it - an answer that is not, in any way, tainted by a selfish desire.

No matter how I try to answer the question, it all boils down to one thing: I wanted to have a family to fulfill many childhood dreams - dreams of walking the dog on sunny Saturday mornings, of cooking for and cooking with the family, of planning and going on family trips. In other words, I wanted to have a family because I wanted an extension of my self, like it is some form of fulfillment.

I used to criticize the female protagonist of the Taiwanese telenovela, "It Started with A Kiss" because it seemed like she had defined her sense of self-fulfillment based solely on the male protagonist - the love of her life - like everything revolves around him. At this point in my life, though, I'm eating my own words of criticism because I feel exactly the same way. Sure, I haven't met you yet but that feeling is the feeling I want to have for you and our kids. I want my world to revolve around our family. I want to be able to give the best of my self to our family.

Sometime ago, I had told Circe: "E di ba parang ang busy-busy ko ngayon. Ang dami kong ginagawa, sa SFC, sa mga lakwatsa at travel. Pero alam mo, if dumating si Mr. Right ngayon at yayain akong magpakasal, kaya kong itigil lahat ito ngayon mismo without regrets or hesitations para makapagsimula kami ng pamilya." And yes, I can really do that and I will do that.

But Mr. Right hasn't come along - you haven't come along.

Some people would tell me, "E masyado ka yatang busy, baka wala ka nang time para hanapin si Mr. Right." Well, I can't stop my life to look for you, right? If we were right for each other, won't we just fit right into each other's lives? So here I am going on with my life, keeping busy with things that make me happy and alive, praying for the gift of you.